ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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