one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize
