and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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