I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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