So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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