I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
