She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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