Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
