The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
