The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
