I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
My dad is sitting where you rode me
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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