My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
