Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
