Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm like, not good at living.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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