i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
only you would photoshop your dick
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
