im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
