I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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