Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
It's Friday. Sex?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
