Tell her she can't have a vagina
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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