Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
