i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
