This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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