My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
