I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
