I'm going to rape someone's good day.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
