u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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