Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
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