Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
