new low.... made out with someone while peeing
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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