If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
