Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
