Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
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He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
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I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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