also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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