This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
