Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
