no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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