i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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