Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
