so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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