At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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