I want to make a zoo with you.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
