I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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