I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
