Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
