I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
