Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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