Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
