I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Oh god it's open bar.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
