Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
