Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
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you didnt know i had herpes?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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