I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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