you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
