and you said cock pushups were impossible
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
my liver is dry heaving
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
