So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
