i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
